Update

Hey everyone!  Just wanted to give a quick update.  First of all, I had to go to the hospital and have a cyst removed from my head last night, however, dr gave me the ok to continue my workouts.

I received my Polar heart rate watch in the mail yesterday. I have not had the chance to use it exercising, but did try it on and I think I am going to love it. I will update how well it works for me, because I have not been losing weight even with the 3 days a week on the treadmill for 1 hour. So, hoping the watch gets my heart rate where it needs to be!
Also, my OVACUE should be here tomorrow sometime…

I have decided to take my Metformin, Prenatal Vitamin and Probiotics for the time being. Still might change that in the future though.

One last thing, I signed up for YouTube, but my webcam is missing from my computer. I am going to have to back up all my files and then reset my computer to get it back on here. I plan on having all of it done this week, so hoping to have the videos by next week. Will keep you updated on that.

Here we go…

Okay, Today marks the beginning of diet, exercise and trying to get pregnant again.  I am ordering some tools this time, in hopes that it will speed the process. First thing, a Polar heart rate monitor watch for my exercising. Heard that it gets you in the ‘fat burning’ zone and melts off the fat. :)))

The next thing is the Ovacue from Fair Haven Health. It is expensive but with Pcos, I think it will work better for me.

I am in the process of setting up Youtube so I can do a Video Blog and will be posting the link on here as soon as that is done. For now on, I will be posting something on here at least once every two weeks. Now Im not saying that is all I will be posting, because I might post daily, just saying that two weeks is guaranteed. :)  Wish me luck…

Poems

I thought of you and closed my eyes,

And prayed to God today.

I asked what makes a Mother,

And I know I heard him say:

A mother has a baby,

This we know is true.

But, God, can you be a mother,

When your baby’s not with you?

Yes, you can he replied,

With confidence in his voice.

I give many women babies,

When they leave is not their choice.

Some I send for a lifetime,

And others for a day.

And some I send to feel your womb,

But there’s no need to stay.

I just don’t understand this God,

I want my baby here.

He took a breath and cleared his throat,

And then I saw a tear.

I wish that I could show you,

What your child is doing today,

If you could see your child smile,

With other children who say:

We go to earth and learn our lessons,

Of love and life and fear.

My mommy loved me oh so much,

I got to come straight here.

I feel so lucky to have a mom,

Who had so much love for me.

I learned my lessons very quickly,

My mommy set me free.

I miss my mommy oh so much,

But I visit her each day.

When she goes to sleep,

On her pillow’s where I lay.

I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek,

And whisper in her ear.

“Mommy don’t be sad today,

I’m your baby and I’m here.”

So you see my dear sweet one,

Your children are ok.

Your babies are here in My home,

They’ll be at heavens gate for you.

So now you see what makes a mother.

It’s the feeling in your heart.

It’s the love you had so much of,

Right from the very start.

Though some on earth may not realize you are a mother,

until their time is done.

They’ll be up here with Me one day,

And you’ll know that you’re the best one!

Lullabies
Daddy please don`t look so sad,
Mommy please don`t cry.
I am in the arms of Jesus
and He sings me lullabies.
Please do not try to question God,
don`t think He is unkind.
Don`t think He sent me to you and that
He changed His mind.
You see, I am special
and I`m needed up above.
I`m the special child you gave Him,
the product of your love.
I`ll always be there with you.
So watch the sky at night. Find the brightest star that`s gleaming.
That`s my halo`s brilliant light.
So Daddy please don`t look so sad.
Mommy please don`t cry.
I am in the arms of Jesus.
And He sings me lullabies.
~Author Unknown

FOOTPRINTS IN THE SAND

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.

Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.

In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints.

Other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life When I was suffering from anguish, sorrow, or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to the Lord, “You promised me, Lord, That if I followed you, you would walk with me always.

But I noticed that during the most trying periods of my life There have only been one set of prints in the sand.

Why, When I have needed you most, you have not been there for me?” The Lord replied, “The times when you have seen only one set of footprints Is when I carried you.”

Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;

Enjoying one moment at a time;

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it;

Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him Forever in the next.

Amen.

My Story…

Hello everyone! This is my story…

First of all, the hubby and I dated when we were early teenagers. We then got back together after several years and married. He is my soul mate. :)

The hubby and I have ben going through infertility for 16 years. I have PCOS.  I went on Clomid in 1998 and fell pregnant with first round, only to miscarry by the 6th week. I had a hard time dealing with it and waited until 2004 to start Clomid treatments again. 6 rounds and nothing happened. We were just getting ready to start infertility treatments again when suddenly our house flooded and we had to move out for 6 weeks. I stopped temping and decided we would wait until we moved back in to get started. 4 weeks later I noticed that I was extremely tired and thought the stress was getting to me. One day they were working on the house (we were partly back in) so, I went to Kroger to pick up some stuff just to waste time before I had to go to work and seen pregnancy tests really cheap and the first thing I thought was ” I can’t be pregnant…can I?”. Well, after walking around a bit I decided to buy one of those test just to get it off my mind. Going through so long of infertility, the last thing I needed was the sadness that comes with the thought of being pregnant…and NOT being pregnant. Well, ended up stopping by Zaxby’s for lunch, while waiting for them to call my name, I decided to do the test. I figured if I done the test then, it wouldn’t be on my mind while working. You can imagine the shock I felt when the test showed that I was PREGNANT!!!!

Now, the pregnancy had some early scares. I spotted several times but, the ultrasound kept showing heartbeat was good. I started showing early and being I was scared of miscarriage, I didn’t start getting really excited until after the first trimester. I figured once I was past 13 weeks…everything was fine. I had an easy pregnancy. I had extreme fatigue but slight nausea. Once I was in the second trimester, I was feeling great with lots of energy and not many displeasing symptoms. I did find out that I was a diabetic that was not caused by the pregnancy, so, I couldn’t just eat anything that I wanted. Besides that everything was GREAT. Then the day before my birthday, I started leaking. I called the nurse and she told me that it was more than likely urine. I told her that I did not think it was urine. She told me that I had an appointment the next day for my 20 week ultrasound and just to kind of take it easy, she said I didn’t have to go on bed rest or anything like that though. The next day when I got into the ultrasound, I told the tech about the leaking, she looked and said everything was fine. She said the fluid around the baby was good and it was a BOY!!! We were so excited! My sister was with me too. She then looked lower and said “hmmm…let me get your dr to look at this.”. Now I just got told everything was great and I was feeling good about things but her tone made me worried. Dr. came in and said she wanted to do a pelvic exam…Once she was done she says “im so sorry, I need to see you and your husband in my office.”.  That was the beginning of the worst days of my life. In the office she told us that the sac was ballooning out of the cervix and I needed to immediately go to L&D and that there was hope but it was small. While in L&D I was seen by a specialist that said I would be put into the Trendelenburg position in hopes that the sac might go back in by the next day and can have an emergent cerclage placed. The next day when the specialist came in and redid the ultrasound they said there was no change and could not do the cerclage. The only choices we had was to induce labor, knowing that I was a day shy of 20 weeks and there was no way possible for the baby to live, or strict bedrest. We decided that we needed to do all that we could, so we decided the bedrest. We had a choice to stay in the hospital or go home. I live close by so we decided to go home. When I got home, I got in bed and hubby gave me all of my antibiotics and meds to stop contractions. I wasnt having but a few contractions and most of them I didn’t even feel. They told me that I could only get up to go to the restroom, but we decided that hubby was helping with bed pans in the hospital and he wanted to continue to maybe give us more hope. Now, the specialist in the hospital said we had hope but it was really really bad and didn’t look good. Later that night…I started having painful contractions but they were all over the place. 15 min…5 min…22 min apart. Almost as fast as the contractions started, my water broke. We headed back to the hospital and was told I was in labor and there was nothing that could be done. My contractions had stopped and they gave me meds to start them but they were not working. It took until the next afternoon to get labor started. I had a hard time pushing the baby out and was later told that I have an extremely small pelvis and would need a C-section with next pregnancy. I had baby Noah and he was stillborn at 20 weeks. He was so tiny and we got to hold him. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to go through and I am so thankful that my sister and brother n law was there with us during this time. I was told that I defiantly have an incompetent cervix and would need the cerclage along with the P17 shots and bedrest in my next pregnancy. We do want to get pregnant again…Soon! I am in my late 30′s and do not want to wait. The dr has assured us that if we have fertility problems again that she will be there to help us get pregnant again. I am now 4 weeks postpartum and awaiting my menses, so that we can see if I will start back ovulating or not. I am very lucky to have so many people share their stories to let me know that I am not alone. Family, friends, and even friends from Facebook that I have never met has been a great support to me. We have not had to go through this alone. I know that God must have needed Noah for a special reason and is watching over us to help us through this time too.